blue period picasso

today my heart is filled with so much confusion and pain that it hits me all at once at any given moment and i have to remember to breath. literally exhale. i haven't ever felt this way. i've felt heartbreak and devastation, ive had my world practically fall apart in my past relationship...i was so much younger then, and in such a different place in my life that i didn't know how to act. today i know right from wrong, and im remembering the mistakes that i made when i dealt with past heartbreaks. im feeling the emotions this time and its torturing. i repress my real emotions, i speak how i want to feel when the reality is that i am dying inside. i cant cry but my whole soul aches right now and the only way i know how to get through it is through music. sometimes i dont know whether i am processing emotions or wallowing in them. i wish there was a mathematical equation that could calculate when the heart heals. i just wish i could cry....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWxfHiDuHbk